We’ve Moved!

9 Sep

Visit us now at http://datemeintheface.com/ !

See you there,



Would you like some donuts with your break-up?

9 Sep

It was Fall of my freshman year of college.  Toward the end of the summer, I had started dating a guy I met through friends.  He lived about an hour away from where I was going to school.  He was pretty, but dumb, and it wasn’t going anywhere.  We hadn’t even had sex.  Eventually I decided to break it off before it got too serious.  I called him up and ended it over the phone.  He started crying and said, “no, you can’t do this”.  He wanted to keep going over it, but I told him I had to go and ended the call.  Roughly an hour later, he showed up at my dorm room.  Some a-hole had let him into the building.  He’d obviously been drinking, and of course driving.  He convinced me to come outside with him, and we got into his car, where he proceeded to cry and beg me not to break up with him.  To soften the blow, I told him I liked him too much, and got out of the car.  I looked over my shoulder as I walked back to my dorm, only to see him driving his car in tight circles, doing stuntman-style donuts in the parking lot.

You’re alright, too

8 Sep

The other night I was out at The Library (a bar) with a female friend, when a guy sits down at our table and starts hitting on her. It’s the usual stuff: she’s beautiful, she deserves to feel good about herself, she probably wouldn’t give a guy like him the time of day.  (All true things). He introduces himself, and continues the cavalcade. She’s embarrassed. After telling her she’s beautiful for the tenth time, he suddenly notices I’m sitting there.

“Oh. You’re alright too.”

Silence of the Lambs was silently playing on a projection screen against the wall.



I’m “all a flush”

7 Sep

Another OkCupid Casanova…

subject: Important Message

Congratulations, you came up in okCupid!!!!!! I know right, you’ve been waiting for it! You can call everyone and let him or her know. Tell your friends about it. You’ll have to girl talk for at least five hours tomorrow about it. I mean, what are the chances?!?

Ok, so I like to laugh and make everything into a sarcastic joke. It happens, right?
Now. I could write a resume. Tell you all about me. Like I am applying for the position of the guy you are going to hang out with on Friday, or whatever. But that would be boring and dull. I might fall asleep doing that.

Wait, I could list out interrogation questions! Ask you things like what you do for fun? Or maybe something really deep… something like, “So where are you from?” You’d swoon, realizing that I care about where you are from and thus ‘where you’re coming from’. You’d get “all a flush” at my wit, right?

Oh, I know, I could just delete all of this and type “Hey wazzup? Saw your profile. Ur cute! Hit me back and we can chat” That would probably work best. I mean that’s what everyone does right? So it MUST work! Shouldn’t it?

How about instead, I do this. I am intrigued by your profile, and think it could be worthwhile to find out more about you. You know, talk, and answer those age-old questions, like:

“Is she a total basket case in hiding?”
“Will I fall asleep sitting next to her when we hang out?”
And don’t forget…”Is she just a guy with fake pictures, pretending to be a girl?!?!?”

So lets interact! Sound good? Glad to hear it!
Lets get creative…

So where are we going and why?

New Gay BFF

6 Sep

I met a guy at a surprise party this week. He’s in his early 30’s, my height (small), balding, gay, an art curator, and keeps complimenting my outfit. I’m certain I hit the new friend jackpot and can’t wait for my awesome new gay BFF in the small city I just moved to. Until he’s like… I really enjoy hanging out with you, I havent had this sort of connection since I broke up with my girlfriend last summer.

Leave your ass to pay the bill

5 Sep

My first Plentyoffish date:

He picks me up for dinner.  Nicely dressed, nice car, nice manners.  Says stuff about photos not doing me justice and all those other nice things a girl likes to hear.  We go to a restaurant of my choosing.  It ended up being a fabulous date.  He was attentive, we had a great conversation, he even found a reason to slide into the booth next time me and kiss me before dessert.

So far so good.  I’m starting to feel like I hit the jackpot.

Then the check came.  As always, I asked, “Can I help you with that?”

He said, “Whew, I am glad you said that.  If you didn’t, I would have had to leave your ass to pay the bill because I HATE girls who expect the man to pick up the tab.”

G train missed connection

2 Sep

One late night on the G train I found myself making eye contact with the guy sitting across from me.  We kept on glancing at each other and then quickly looked away so many times that I almost started laughing.  When we both got off the train at Lorimer, I was sure he would say something to me.  Instead, he walked ahead of me as I trailed behind, noting his black jacket with “Nintendo” printed on the back.

The eye-fuck really stuck with me though, and the next day at work I was persuaded by friends via gchat to write a missed-connection on Craigslist.  I had always loved laughing at the craiglists post before.  This was just an experiment, I convinced myself.  A post to see if the world of lost-internet love connections really worked.

I posted something super cheesy and in the vein of posts I had read, requested that my long-lost love describe what he was wearing to prove it was him.  I expected a slew of psycho “me so horny” emails in my inbox and hoped to be amused at work for the rest of the day.  No one wrote.

The next day I got a lone email that read:

Hey there,

I’m not entirely sure that was me, but I was on the g around 1am and got off at lorimer, and I do enjoy playing eye tag with cute girls…

I was wearing a black hat, black nintendo jacket, brown hair, blue eyes

I wish I could remember for sure, but I was pretty drunk on tht ride home…in any case let me know if I’m the guy and maybe we can meet up for a drink sometime

Despite the fact that he openly admitted that he had absolutely no idea who i was, and just happened to be drunkenly on the train at the same time but would STILL be up for getting a drink with me, I was curious enough to facebook stalk him.  His page revealed that his Nintendo jacket, which I had thought was a simple Beacon’s Closet vintage hipster purchase, was actually a huge insight into his personality.  His profile picture was a nintendo screenshot.  His wall was filled up with nerdy guys writing shortcuts and coding to cheat on games.  His pictures can only be described as Dungeon and Dragons-esque.

Maybe we belong together.  Or, maybe i should let drunken dorks lie.