Ten Inches

14 Jul

My first online date was waaaay too eager to meet.  This should have set off some alarms, but what did I know?  He said he would be at the bar of this nice restaurant waiting for me with the obligatory red rose by which I was supposed to recognize him.  When I got there I looked around and saw someone who looked much younger than his picture.  Did he use his father’s photo or something?  At that very moment, he happened to turn around and caught my eye.  Too late to sneak out now.  I thought, “What the heck, so I’ll be a cougar for a night.”
I walked up and shook hands, which he somehow took to mean he could make a bee-line for my lips.  A little taken aback, I was able to deflect at the last second and he got the old cheek-graze.  He said he hoped I was not “too prudish” because he did “not like prudes”.

Anyway, I was here.  It was cold out and warm in, so I stayed to see if this awkward start would straighten itself out.  We sat at the bar and drank our martinis.  Interesting conversation, he was a journalist and definitely seemed to have a stock set of stories to regale his dates.  My conversation faltered a bit since he was my first.  At one of the awkward pauses on my end, he said, “I can see you are at a loss for words.  Maybe it is because you are so attracted?  Just to let you know, I expect you to sleep with me tonight.”

Was he nuts?  Did the dating world change so much in the time I was out of it that men who are 12 years younger pay for one drink and want sex right away?  I stammered something about not having sex on the first date.  He got mad, turned away from me, plunked his elbows down on the bar and said very loudly that I was a tease and he did not like women who had so many “rules.”  I quickly put on my coat and slid off my stool, throwing down a $20 for my drink.  That’s when he really lost it.  He yelled after me, “What’s with you women thinking you can control everything?  It’s your loss.  Now you will never get my ten inches.  Yeah, baby, I had ten inches waiting for you tonight – now you’re never gonna get it.  Ten inches, get it?  Ten inches!!!!”


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