No more beard

28 Jul

I ran into a friend of a friend who I’d always had a crush on.  He ended up asking me out and we met for a drink.  I was insanely attracted to him but we ended up having this strange back and forth at the end of the date where he kept on saying that if I wanted to hang out with him again, I should call him.  I kept on telling him that he should call me if he wanted to see me again.  I was getting really frustrated and thinking that maybe he wasn’t that into me when finally he kissed me really hard and I left excited about it.  We made plans for the next week and I when I went to meet him at the bar, he was nowhere in sight.  I ended up texting him because I couldn’t find him.  Finally, this fratty looking guy approaches me at the bar and my heart sank as I realized that my bearded dreamboat had gotten a horrible haircut and without his facial hair, had a severe case of fat face.  I went with it anyway and kept trying to drop hints about how he looked different and how much I appreciate a beard on a guy. The first night we had sex, everything was going well until I got on top, he lost his hard-on and yelped, “I KNEW I WOULD’T BE ABLE TO SATISFY YOU IN SOME WAY!!”  I then had to talk him off the ledge until he was hard again and just pounded away at me to prove his manliness.  We ended up dating for about two months and sex was always like this.  Whenever I would get on top he would lose his shit and somehow go soft, I would have to comfort him and tell him it was ok, and then he would desperately jackhammer away at me as soon as he was ready again.




2 Responses to “No more beard”

  1. R July 28, 2011 at 8:22 am #

    As the old jackhammer-to-prove-I’m-a-real-man technique.

  2. Jarad July 28, 2011 at 6:30 pm #


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